Fighting the Good Fight
by Ezri Krios
Summary: FtGF is a (very) alternative ending to Resolution. As always I look forward to your comments.


_Fighting the Good Fight._

"The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone".

- Thane Krios.

She looked around at the wasteland. Grey ragged fingers of once tall buildings occasionally marked the horizon, weakly pointing upwards to the ashen sky from an endless grey ocean of dust and rubble.

Pushing herself up, she looked around at the buildings now reduced to a heavy dust, some of which had settled in her hair turning it grey. Standing up she breathed in the barely cleaner air as her body screamed out its painful protest. Like the dust that covered her, the pain was all over her body, but it was the deep slash in her calf that caused her to stagger. She decided not to investigate the extent of the damage and instead shook on her omni-tool to dump a pack of medi-gel into her system. After a moment the relief from feeling scalding hot knives of pain all over was lifted and she realised that the mist she saw wasn't her eyesight, but an actual fog. The dust from a city full of shattered buildings was still settling.

Awkwardly, she climbed onto some rubble to gain a little height. Once stable she reached over her shoulder for her rarely used rifle, using its scope to search the area as she tuned a slow 360 degree circle.

After some minutes she lowered the rifle, frowning. There was nothing but old brick dust settling on the skeletons of metal towers. There were also dead Reapers dotted around, but she expected that. What she didn't expect was the total destruction of London before she and Anderson could put an end to the Reaper war. Nor did she expect the complete absence of life all around her. There was nothing left, not even wind to blow the settling dust away and offer her a clean breath.

She sighed and put her rifle away before carefully climbing down off the mound of rubble and walking back towards the conduit that had spat her back onto Earth. She had arrived just as the Reapers were falling.

It had been Anderson's idea, possibly his last lucid thought as he fought against the Reaper indoctrination.

"You did good, child," he told her, when she had bent to inform him the Crucible was firing up, that they had done it. She wanted to tell him to hang on, to fight even harder than he was already. He did fight hard, hard enough to look her in the eye long enough so she understood he meant it when he said, _"Run!"_

She wasn't ashamed that she followed those orders without hesitation.

Why she could fight the Reaper indoctrination better than Anderson, she didn't know. Only that he fought it hard enough to save her life. There was no doubt he had nothing left to fight with, it was too late for him, the Reapers were about to use him to kill her. He was already pointing his gun at her temple when he told her to run.

The shot he fired, as she fled back to the conduit on the Citadel, grazed her shields, weakening them even further. As such, when the conduit spat her back out onto Earth, she was knocked out cold. She lay still, while all around her the final destruction of London began. Either she had spent longer than it seemed on the Citadel and the Reapers had wrought mass destruction upon the city, or, more likely, the crucible was more powerful than they had imagined, and had crushed everything it was designed to save by killing the Reapers.

She looked at the few dead bodies strewn around. A Mako was flipped over, next to another that was a burned shell, cut in half by a Reaper laser.

Her omni-tool told her she was nearly 48 hours late reporting in, to which her mouth suddenly agreed. Grateful to discover she still had her water pouch, she swilled the mortar dust out her of mouth, then drank slowly, pleased when she was sated and hadn't made herself sick.

Comms were pretty rough, so she was relieved when she finally got through on an Alliance channel.

For many days he sat through a quiet, lonely vigil in the busy patient lounge.

Always facing the lift, he saw every face of those who entered, hoping one would be his Siha's. Each time, his disappointment would be hidden to even the most interested observer, as was his burning desire to hold her again, obscured as it was behind his mask of calm and patience.

His worst fears, that she might be dead, broke into his nightly meditations, and it was all he could do to bury his face into his blankets and stifle his sobbing terror. He barely slept.

During the day he simply waited.

She checked her hand cannon as the shuttle lifted away from Earth. She had one spare heat sink, it was more than enough. Then she opened her omni-tool and typed in some brief instructions, approaching the cockpit as she did so.

Turning to the pilot she told him, "I've just sent you some coordinates of where I want you to set me down on the Citadel."

"Oh, it's ok ma'am, we have a scheduled bay."

"Forget that, go to my coordinates instead."

When the pilot saw where she wanted him to land, he said, "Er, you sure about this, ma'am? That's about as far away from the hospital and the Presidium as you can get."

"I'm aware of that." Shepard said through gritted teeth.

"Uh, it's just that, I've been ordered to... You see people will be waiting to meet you..."

Shepard told him in a quiet voice, "I am giving you new orders."

She saw the Citadel coming up fast and was relieved when the pilot swung the shuttle into a new trajectory. She was also relieved when the shuttle landed without another word from the pilot, but it was a feeling that couldn't last because of what she had to do next.

"I'm sorry," she told the pilot and co-pilot after she had knocked them out. She was lucky the Alliance had scrambled an empty shuttle already near Earth's orbit to pick her up after she had assured them she didn't need any immediate medical attention.

She'd had a few seconds to celebrate the end of the war, despite the horrendous cost, until Hackett personally gave her the good news that Anderson had survived and was recovering at Huerta. It was a hammer blow. It felt like she had just discovered Hackett had signed the galaxy a new death warrant.

With a heavy heart she left the shuttle, locking its hatch behind her then limped her way across the shuttle bay, ignoring the stares from the few people who were around.

She must have looked quite a sight, her battered armour caked in blood and dust. To those who came close to offer assistance, she simply shook her head, politely insisting she be left alone, smiling as she gritted her teeth. Her jaw was set with determination and pain. Aches were already returning all over her body despite the medi-gel in her system.

She had one more battle to win, then it really would finally be over. She left the shuttle bay, pushing away the thought that had plagued her, and indeed kept her going for many days: Thane was alive and waiting for her at Huerta.

If the waiting frustrated him, he didn't show it. He recalled the hundreds of faces he had seen over the last couple of days since the end of the war. He thought of her brief message to let him know she had received the shocking news of his longevity with joy. That she was to go and fight on Earth, but promised to take care of herself, and to meet him as soon as she was able.

She promised to live.

It would break his heart if he found himself having to forgive her if this was a promise she could not keep.

But until he received word otherwise, he would continue praying to the god's that her path would remain lit until he himself could keep her safe again.

Her journey on foot took a long time, but she wanted to avoid using the rapid transporters. She didn't want to find herself trapped, so avoided the lifts wherever possible. She made a distinct figure, it was impossible to blend in looking like she had just returned from battle and half-dead because of it too. Fortunately most people stepped away rather than towards her as she passed by. Perhaps they sensed her single-minded determination to keep going, or perhaps her blood-matted hair and filthy armour simply frightened them away.

They thought the war was over, of course. They couldn't know the galaxy had still yet to win the final battle.

By the time she finally approached the lift to the hospital, she was ready to collapse, the last of her strength giving in to the increasing pain throughout her body. She had one shot of medi-gel left. It would have to be enough. In fact she would make sure it was enough to finish this one last mission: To end the war with the Reapers once and for all.

When her jaw stopped aching and she was satisfied the last of her medi-gel was working, it was with a teeth-gritted determination that she forced herself onward.

Thane saw her the moment the lift door opened. "Gods!" he breathed, suddenly springing forward. Thane rushed across the patient lounge, his eyes fixed on Shepard as she limped towards the wards, horrified to see how badly injured she was. Aside from the black eye, cut lip and dirty gash to her forehead, what was left of her battered armour was covered in thick dark blood.

"Siha!"

She stopped and slowly turned her head towards him. When her eyes met his, they lit up in utter joy, and then a deep sadness cast a shadow over her face.

Thane stepped towards her, unable to stem the flow of his relieved tears, as he reached out to help her.

A cascade of emotions rushed through her mind when she heard Thane's voice, again. It was a beautiful sound. Seeing him alive, even more so.

She recalled his message. She had been desperately tempted to order Joker back to the Citadel to steal a few moments of joy with Thane. But there was no time. As always, they had no time. Instead, and with a sudden desire to live out this war, all she could give him was a message of hope, before embarking on what seemed to be a hopeless final battle on Earth.

She desperately wanted to throw her arms around him and cry in joy. Now, actually seeing him, served to make her want to throw her gun away and collapse to the floor, screaming out her frustration that their reunion still had to wait. Even if it came to pass she died regretting not holding him again, time was running out for this mission. She quickly forced those thoughts away. The thought of her dying with Thane present to bear witness to, made her nauseous. It was a terrible grief she could not put him through. And, anyway, she was a survivor.

Focusing on the mission stopped her wanting to throw up. "The war isn't over," she told him. "I have... to complete a mission, one more mission. I'm sorry, Thane." She turned away and continued on towards the hospital wards, "Please, wait for me a little longer."

Thane was taken aback as she limped away from him. She appeared to be in a great deal of pain and clearly needed medical assistance. He yearned to take her in his arms, get her the care she needed, and take away her pain. Yet, despite his confusion, he trusted her. She would not forgo a reunion with him lightly and he could not stand in her way of an important task. The war was not over, she had told him. Afraid for her and determined to assist, Thane quietly followed.

Her heart sank when she saw the two C-Sec guards exiting decontamination and coming straight towards her.

"I need to see Admiral Anderson." Shepard said, as calmly as she could.

"Ma'am, I think you should get some medical assistance, straight away."

She gently pulled her arm away from the officers hand saying, "Well, then I guess I'm going in the right direction, aren't I? But, as I'm also a Spectre, I think I'm going to go and see the Admiral, first. Right?"

With the officers firmly put in the difficult position between the orders of their superiors and the wishes of a Spectre, she was able to continue her journey unaided, if no longer alone. She was grateful for Thane's quiet presence, even though he made her task more difficult to focus on.

She slowed down through decontamination, conserving her energy for the final push and the unthinkable task ahead. Fortunately, finding Anderson's room would be easy. It was the same room Kaidan had recovered in all those months ago.

Approaching Anderson's door, Shepard told Thane, "I have to do this alone. I don't want you... involved."

"I..."

"I'm sorry."

Thane stood by Anderson's door as it opened, torn between giving her the space she had requested and insisting he remain by her side. By the time he made his decision and stepped forward, she had entered the Admiral's room and locked the door behind her.

She saw look of confusion on Thane's face, but didn't regret her actions. It was to protect his freedom. At least this way, he might still be able to visit her in the brig, rather than be implicated in the potentially unexplainable murder she was about to commit.

Anderson was awake, propped back on a few pillows, his body continually monitored by remote computer. 'Recovering', Hackett had informed her.

"Hello, Commander." Anderson smiled weakly.

"Quite the miraculous recovery, by all accounts." Shepard stated.

"I guess I just got lucky."

"Who? Anderson or the Reapers?"

Anderson frowned, "Shepard?"

"Cut the crap. I know what you are, and you know why I'm here. It's over." As soon as she spoke she felt the familiar pull of indoctrination, and watched as Anderson's pained face relaxed.

No longer the weak soldier he pretended to be, Anderson sat forward, scowling. But instead of the Reapers using him to try and talk her into helping them, it was the real Anderson who spoke. "Do it Shepard. Quickly. They've... ah!"

She was horrified to learn Anderson was still in there somewhere, still conscious but trapped inside a body he no longer had any control over. It was then she realised how hard she had to fight in order to lift her gun.

Anderson relaxed and took a deep breath. "You left me to die Shepard."

She winced, even though she knew this wasn't Anderson speaking. It was Anderson she spoke to when she replied, "I know you're proud of me for following orders Admiral. Thank you..." Shepard had to bite the inside of her cheek stop her emotions welling up. "We won the war, my friend." She smiled down at the face of her friend, even as it twisted in contempt at her words.

"We always survive," he told her. "The cycle will continue."

"You just can't help yourselves can you," she said through gritted teeth as the pain in her body increased. "You can't help showing you're sense of superiority towards organics."

Anderson's intense, dead, eyes looked up at her. "It's too late, Commander."

"No!" Shepard seethed, fighting the pain and the sickening icy tendrils that seemed to be moving ever deeper into her brain. She grunted, using her free hand to help point her gun at Andersons face.

Everything has suddenly become overwhelmingly difficult and she knew the only way to stop the Reaper's final attempt to indoctrinate her was to kill its host.

"I'm sorry, sir." she managed to whisper, as a tear trickled down her cheek. With all the will she still possessed, Shepard forced her finger to pull back the trigger.

The loud double explosion inside the small hospital room startled Thane. He had witnessed the exchange between Anderson and Siha through the slim window, and his lips had parted in shock when he saw her bring her gun up. There was no time to react and he chided himself for being so slow.

In shock, Thane could only wait by the door until the C-Sec officers arrived to override the lock.

She partially collapsed onto the end of Anderson's bed, holding herself up mostly by her arms as she quickly regained the use of her legs. Breathing heavily, it slowly, horrifyingly, dawned on her that the insidious pull of the Reaper's attempt to indoctrinate her hadn't ceased with Anderson's death. Something dark was still inside her mind, tugging at her will, trying to force her to submit herself to something unknown, and which she suddenly very much wanted to give in to.

The galaxy still wasn't free of the Reaper threat. The war still wasn't over.

She stared into the raw, meaty mess that had once been the face of her Captain, her mentor, and her friend as hot tears spilled from her eyes. She'd had no choice. Anderson was already dead anyway. But still, it hurt. It broke her heart.

Suddenly, she stopped crying, the pain and heartache was gone. Everything felt... better.

_NO!_

Shepard whirled around when the door slid open. She was supposed to hand her gun over and submit to arrest, nice and easy. That way everything would be ok, nothing would hurt anymore. It would all feel so much better.

_"No, damn it!"_ She hissed, causing the two C-Sec officers to stop just inside the door.

Again she fought hard to bring her gun up, and this time turned it on herself, feeling a sense of satisfaction when she felt the barrel push into the skin under her chin.

"Siha..? Gods, no!"

Thane! Her tears spilled, again. How could she end the war like this, in front of Thane, with his perfect memory? And on top of so many tragic memories that weigh him down?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Look away."

"Siha? I..."

"I've been... exposed... for too long, too often..." Shepard tried to explain, but became frustrated and ever more frightened as her mind grew more and more foggy. The only thing she could still focus on with any clarity was Thane. She was overwhelmed by the desire to hold him. "You gotta leave," she insisted, "now!" More than anything else she didn't want Thane to watch as she pulled the trigger.

Thane sagged in horror. He could feel it himself - a tiny insidious tentacle trying to burrow its way through his brain. At once, Thane understood the terrifying battle his Siha was going through.

Struggling to mentally block out the Reapers, Thane stepped forward and took her in his arms.

"I'm... sorry..." She couldn't help it. She collapsed onto his chest as soon as he was close enough. "The war... isn't over... until I..." she felt herself losing control. It was being wrestled away from her, bit by bit, by the thing in her mind. It wanted Thane to save her, to snatch her gun away, to never know the horror he would be unleashing upon the galaxy, until it was too late.

Shepard held the gun under her chin, desperately wishing she could spare him this, but time, as always, was running out.

His hands took the gun away from her so easily, too easily.

"Please..." she begged, even as she felt her hand reaching up to touch his cheek.

Thane wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly at last. He cried hot silent tears. He looked into her eyes and it broke his heart to see how the light in them grew darker and darker. He could do nothing but watch his Siha fade away.

That tiny tendril probed deeper into his mind and he found himself no longer able to look into her black orbs. Thane's heart shattered as he gently cupped her face with his palms and kissed her soft hair. He whispered, "Wait for me, Siha." Then, with a wail of overwhelming grief, Thane tightened his grip, and brought the war to a sudden, final, end.


End file.
